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Something New...

For literature class, my teacher assigned us a creative writing assignment. We are reading Great Expectations and we had to write the letter that Estella would write but never send to Pip when she's abroad studying to become a lady. And I had way too much fun writing this. Estella may be a acting really out of character, but this is how I see her. Anyway, onto the fanfiction for a novel about 150 years old:

Dear Pip,
It feels like I haven't seen you in years. Maybe I haven't. I don't know, and I don't try to remember. Miss Havisham always told me to be distant, and I try my hardest, though I do actually have a conscience. Though it is not like anyone notices. To you, I am just a pretty face that spews cruel words. But I have a heart, no matter how hard I try to hide it. I am desperate for love: my childhood was just a series of dank, dark, decrepit memories with only glimpses of the outside. Can you not understand then, why I am the way I am? 
You were so young, when I felt so old and lost, floating in this bubble of suspended time, and you looked so different than anything I had ever seen before, with you thick boots and ill-fitting suit, I had to be cruel.
And now, here I am in a strange country where I don't understand anyone, and you are in London (I heard about your new-found wealth, gossip spreads quickly in the upper classes) and I can just imagine you trying your hardest to prove me wrong. That makes me oddly happy. One day, I may see you again, and I hope we, who were so different and at the extremes of the social spectrum, have changed enough to at least be friends.
Until then,
      Sincerely Yours,


This is just a short story I scribbled in my journal recently.

Maybe I misunderstood his silences. Hell, I don't understand a lot of people (and things), but he was different. He was my dad and I was his daughter, and we were as close as could be. I loved him, and I still thought he was proud: I accepted that. He loved me, and he thought I moved to fast: he accepted me. But some times, when we were pulling into our driveway, he would stop the car and look up at that house with a weird look of reverence, and I never understood that.
He loved telling stories, and I used to love hearing them. But, when we both got a little older, he told the same stories and I realized I'd hear this tale about such-and-such three times before. He said that in his twenties, he had owned a trailer that he was very proud of. It was his house, he owned it.
Now let me god damn tell you, we owned a big house. It was one of those big, old, beautiful houses that on closer inspection, seemed to be falling apart. But it was his house and he had put so much money into renovating and restoring it.
I had thought he was proud, but really, he was thankful for the changes in his life the years had brought, even if a lot of bad stuff had been brought as well.
I understand that I never understood him. But, like all stories like this, it happened too late. I just thought my life would never be a story like this.

Then again, does anyone?

"The Tale of Loria" - Original Story

So I had this little plot-bunny that crawled into my ear and I CAN'T GET IT OUT!
It is really influenced by Longfellow and I stole a couple names. Sorry, buddy!
I'm just one of those Wannabe-J.R.R. Tolkein or C.S. Lewis. It's also kinda influenced by the Inheritance CYCLE (I was really pumped when I realized it wasn't just gonna be three books) and Lois Lowry and her book, Messenger. So, if there are no more questions, ON WITH THE STORY!!!

Lady fair Evangeline and the Lord noble, Hesperus,
Rulers of Loria have a past and story that is told solely
By the fire on story nights and are repeatedly though untrue
It started with a deep, dark thing awakened in the Forest.
The Humans were spreading from the Sea and the Coast.
They were spreading, consuming land and water on the way
They had sailed across the Sea to Loria, fleeing
A Never-Ending was among their People: They wanted Peace.
Sadly, the World always has a surprise always waiting,
Either around a corner or in a new Land.
They had awakened the War of the Wood.

...Yeah, I have no more idea of where that came from than you do...
Hope you are all well!

"Wild Child" - Chapter 1

Hello, Gents and Ladies! I have a fabulous announcement! I have started writing a new Harry Potter fanfiction that I am thrilled to write! It shall be dubbed "Wild Child". It is a Next Generation fic and I've already written the first chapter. It's a Rose/Scorpius fic but that doesn't mean Rose didn't have any fun beforehand. Imagine, 9 gorgeous best friends going through their 7th year, partying until the last drop of Firewhiskey has been drunk and the last person has passed out. Hogwarts will never be the same. And neither will they.

Title: Wild Child
Author: moi, barbie_speidel
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Rose/Scorpius and tons of OC/OC

I’ve always liked blondes. My friends and I even thought up a name for the type of guy I like: BLT.


Blond, Lanky and Tall.


And well…. God damn it, Scorpius fit all three.


It’s not my fault he was the perfect guy for me.


Everyone always thought I was like my mom: smart, rule-oriented, emotional... And well, I am smart! But I got my father’s love of adventure and general disregard of authority figures. For example, if a teacher tells me to be quiet, I start talking louder. They tell me to shut up, I start singing my personal favorite, “Mom Washed My Underwear.” Let us just say that my mother hates it when I sing that song.


And the funny thing is if a teacher thinks I’m not paying attention, they ask me a question and I immediately answer correctly. It’s the same thing with all my friends. We are all annoyingly funny, smart, and beautiful. We love flaunting the fact we are better than you.


Deal with it.


With my dark auburn hair and almost-black eyes, people always said I look mysterious somehow. All I know is that I become a Ferra Fawcett look-a-like when my hair dries naturally.


My best friend, Carmen, is a tall brunette with a slight Spanish accent and smoldering eyes that sometimes get even me distracted. Her tanned skin is there year-round and she always wears her long, wavy hair down. The funny thing is that behind this cool demeanor, she is really self-conscious and is always nervous around boys. That is why she is usually just friends with the opposite sex. But, I know one day her vow will crack.


My other friends, Louisa and Aoife, are hilarious and they finish our little quartet. Aoife has the cute Irish accent, long dirty blond hair and wide brown eyes that make her look like Bambi. Louisa has dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes. With her ivory complexion, she is one of those classic beauties.


We are all loud and lively together but when you come to talk to us, we put up a façade and pretend we are cold-hearted bitches. This only happens though if you approach us as a group. We do this because our tight-knit group is rank with secrets and we don’t want you knowing that we aren’t as perfect as you think we are.


I have a good home life, I guess. My parents fight over the stupidest things and they all of a sudden they start fighting over who cares for me more. I mean, isn’t that just plain stupid? But ten minutes later, they cuddle. In front of me. I get traumatized constantly. My little brother Hugo just pretends we are not his family in public. And I am not one of those teenagers who hates their parents. I’m one of those sad people that, at the age of 17, still calls her parents mommy and daddy.


The thing is, though, my mom is a raving pessimist with serious depression and my dad has never learned that when you grow up, you have to give a shit about your health. And money. And your family. He loves us, don’t get me wrong. He even gets lovey-dovey and squishes my face sometimes. It’s just that he never learned to share. He lost a brother in the war and that always troubled him. I still hear him crying sometimes, murmuring to himself about the look on his mother’s face when she found out Fred died. I think that was what hit him hardest. Cause, honestly, he is the biggest mommy’s boy you will ever meet. He goes around life like he could die any moment and he might as well live life to the fullest. My mom, however, is cautious and hates how my father doesn’t care that the road he is on is going to a place she doesn’t like.


Also the fact that my aunt Ginny, my favorite relative, is heavily bipolar and crashes a lot doesn’t help. I love her and I can still see the woman Uncle Harry fell in love with and still loves. The problem is that no one else can. Somehow, she understands me so much better than my mom. I love my mom and I love talking to her but Aunt Ginny understands me on a wholly different level of consciousness. I love my cousins and everything but it seems that whenever there are family reunions, I go out with her when she goes to smoke and we talk about everything. Religion, food, and how awesome “Lord of the Rings” is, to name a few of our conversation topics. My aunt became really religious after the war and she was the first one to get me fascinated in religion.


See, my problem is that I am really curious. Tell me about a good band from Uzbekistan and I will start researching modern music in the Former Soviet Union. Talk to me about how good food is in Angola, I will research cuisine of North Africa and the history of Portuguese travels. And when you start me talking about religion, I can blab and blab forever. I actually love history and I pay attention in History of Magic class. I know, I am pathetic. But, come on, someone has to take notes when all my friends nap. Not that we need notes but when we gossip in the library, we have to at least look like we are studying. And trust me, my curiosity will be my downfall one day.


Carmen never really tells people what her life outside of Hogwarts except for her friends, obviously. Her father left her mother just after first year started and I was the one who found her crying, crumpled up in our dormitory. I had never seen anyone look so vulnerable. That day, we skipped classes and talked all day. That was when we become best friends and we have been inseparable since. Her father had been cheating on her mother, Vanessa, with some ugly bitch called Kristen and left Vanessa to go “shack up” with the ugly bitch, or U.B. for short. Carmen never forgave her father for tearing apart their family.


Louisa’s father died in first year, as well. We all seemed to have been brought together by tragedy. What Erin went through was something no eleven year old should. She had to take care of her father and all the pressure to make sure her father had his medication or had eaten properly made her snap. It all happened during Christmas break and when she came back, she was a completely different person. Louisa always hides how she feels but it doesn’t always work. She has a real temper and whenever you do anything to cross her, you know you won’t be able to sit down right for a week.


Aoife has had lots of bad boyfriends through the years. She is currently dating her childhood best friend, Matthew, who she has dated tons of times before. This is the first time they have dated for more than two months so we are all pretty pumped.


The only people out side of our group that we talk to are Scorpius and his group of friends. All of us are in different houses and now in this modern age, no one gives a crap what house you are in. I’m in Gryffindor with Carmen and Louisa but Aoife is in Hufflepuff. We had all become best friends on the train and nothing has changed. Scorpius is in Slytherin with his pal Sean and Matthew is in Hufflepuff with Aoife and Albus and David are in Gryffindor with me. 


Scorpius, with his pale blond hair and smoky grey eyes, is the epitome of sex to me. Not like I ever told anyone (except for Carmen). There was just something about how you can see his defined chest through his shirt and the way his hair just covered his eyes so that you never could see the emotion in them. His casual elegance and deep, calming voice did not help my coherence when I talked to him. I seemed to always stutter or my tongue always seems to become useless whenever I am around him.


Sean is a fellow carrot top with pale green eyes. He is adorable to me like a puppy and Louisa silently pines for him. I mean, we all see how she looks at him. And we always press her to act upon her feelings but she always says that she doesn’t like him.


Matthew is tall, slightly gangly, with sandy blond hair and kind, chocolate brown eyes. He is, of course, the perfect match for Aoife but they always break up cause of some stupid little miscommunication.


Albus is the spitting image of his father, with messy jet black hair and emerald green eyes that always get me to spill my guts. He’s my cousin and I have to love him. It does help though that when he and David are in the same room, my ribs hurt from laughing so hard. David, with his curly black hair, coffee colored skin, and caramel eyes is as smooth as chocolate. But, don’t get any weird ideas about me and him: he is my best guy friend and he is the brother I wish I had. He’s the witty, silky one while Albus is the boisterous, slightly egotistical one.


With Carmen, Albus, David, and me in the Gryffindor common room (Louisa can often be found roaming around in the dungeons, trying to bump into Sean), we seem to ooze the elegant confidence that wannabes kill themselves for. We can’t help it if we happen to have awesome lives and you don’t.


“Hey, Rose, wanna join our Exploding Snap game or are you gonna keep on staring out the window with drool rolling down your chin?” Carmen hollered at me, even though she was right next to me. Everyone laughed and I wiped the drool from my face, wondering if I had looked as sad as I imagined I did.


“Yeah, yeah, I’ll join, I’m sorry if I have better things to do than play a game where my eyebrows may get blown off.” I retorted with, trying to get my brain into gear.


“Whatever, I’m just trying to entertain ourselves on this immensely long journey to Hogwarts without resorting to Truth or Dare, cause the food cart hasn’t come by yet and conversation isn’t nearly as entertaining if you are not participating.”


I plastered a grin on my face. I mean, I am really happy to be back home again. Hogwarts is my home and there is no denying. With all the secret passages, funny talking paintings, and sneaking down to the kitchen on Saturday nights to stockpile food while the boys make a booze run to Hogsmeade, it is every wild child’s dream. And this year, Rose Weasley was going to live her life to the fullest and break as many hearts as possible, and maybe have a couple laughs and hangovers along the way.

Here is something to think about...

Life is a sexually-transmitted, terminal illness.

Merry Christmas and YAY: SNOW DAY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is.... boring, to say the least.

I don't wanna annoy you, whoever is reading this, but this is gonna be one of those blogs where I bitch and moan about how sad my life is. So, here we go...

I had to fix a toilet today because the pump broke. Fun. I got really wet and yelled at my dad a couple of times.

I love music and I like a ton of bands and all but it seems whenever I listen to music, I just listened to it a couple of days ago. I need to find new bands so if you know any, give me recommendations!

I havn't been sleeping well since Thanksgiving vacation, I've been REALLY late for school (more than usual), and I havn't been putting much effort into school. I got a 45% on a math quiz that I should have aced.

I didn't get into my school play this year, the first time that has EVER happened. We are doing the female version of "The Odd Couple", since I go to an all-girl school, and there are only 7 parts. My two best friends got the only male parts and I'm trying to be supportive. I'm now the assistant stage director to my friend Julia who is a senior. Since she's leaving next year, I'm gonna replace her so that's pretty cool :) Well, not the "her leaving" part. lol But the new director is really strict and creepy. It's only been one month and he's already been reported a couple of times for squeezing girls shoulders... *shivers*

Since I live far away from my school and my mom doesn't want to drive me back and forth, I have to take public transportation back and forth to school every day. On Friday, I sat next to two smelly, loud Russian men who were having a very comical argument. On the bus, the driver who was cutting people of a lot made fun of a nun. I was traumatized.  My school ends at 2:30 but I get home at 4: 30. On days where I have to do theater duty, I get home at 6:30.

Since I live in the northern hemisphere and the east coast, it's winter now and it's fucking COLD! My hands are eternally freezing and my nose will have to be amputated if the weather keeps on going like this. AND IT HASN'T EVEN SNOWED YET!

Since we are in a recession and all, I won't really get much for Christmas. I WILL get tons of books though! See, I'm a nerdfighter *HOOHAH*, and I love John Green. BUT I HAVN'T READ PAPER TOWNS YET! I'm am finally getting it for Christmas and I am EXCITED! And my family is finally getting a Wii. w00t

Last Friday, I went to my friend's, Erin, house and we went to a dance. Let's just say I was miserable. The button on my jeans fell of and I had to sit down for the last hour of the dance. And it was let's just say it was that time of the month... I danced only with my ex-boyfriend it being awkward is an understatement. I broke up with him by ignoring him. Yeah, I know it's my fault. I screwed up and I try and be his friend and then he's all "Um... since I'm so tall, I can just look over your head and ignore you." Thanks, Zach, you're a real pal...

And that leads me to the fact that I am still not over my summer fling. He was too nice and than as soon as we go back to school, we stop talking. He was so funny, so sincere, and extremely adorable. *sigh* Anyway, my romantic life is nonexistent.

And I'm sick of the fact that because of all the shit that is going on in this world, ignorant people are not giving a crap about terrorist attacks. I'm sorry but I actually care about the fact that the world is becoming an anarchy.

And I cannot believe that David Tennant will no longer be The Doctor. My heart broke when I heard that. I just hope he keeps on acting because David Ten-inch (I love that nickname lol) is an amazing actor and he was *my* Doctor.


If you couldn't tell, I am slightly obsessed with the U.K. teehee It's the fact they have such cute boys... :)


And this is Barbara, signing off *salutes with two fingers*

"I Will Be Saved" Remus

Title: I Will Be Saved
Rating: PG
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character: Remus
Summary: When Remus transforms during the full moon, he becomes overpowered by the "monster" he believes he is and just waits till sunrise.
Words: 119 (poem)

The full moon wanes in the inky black sky
A pale sliver of light,
A fraction of a bright orb,
Comes from between the boards of this
Shack I must flee to
Shimmers in the dark abyss of night
This is my home.
The howl of a distant, melancholy creature
Yearning for something.
An owl, twisting their neck to and fro,
Searching for a morsel to eat
The air is filled with sounds, scents, tastes...
And I feel them all.
My ears twitch to hear everything,
My nostrils flare, sniffing the air
The tension of things unsaid,
Arguments unresolved,
Desires, unshown.
And in the morning,
There will be light and
I will be saved
From this monthly nightmare.


I just had the most depressing moment of my life (and trust me, I've had some sucky times...)
David, my best friend since 1st grade, never goes on facebook or checks his email and I miss him like hell (he's more of a brother than mine could ever be)
Daniel, my perverted, loud, awesome friend who literally is in love with me, had to move to fucking Korea!
Adriana, who is the peanut butter to my grape jelly, moved to Miami.
My grandma, my uncle, and my grandpa all died as soon as I'm old enough to realize how amazing they are...

Everyone I have ever loved (other than my parents) have left me, purposefully or against their will...
If all my friends lived near me, I wouldn't spend my saturday night alone...
If the people living in my house at least liked me, I could watch a movie with them but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, they are jealous I get to put the food on my plate before them at dinner
I miss Kaoru, Aki, Natalie, and all the other girls who helped me learn that you gotta be happy with and love yourself to survive this cruel world...
I wish my aunt Kathy leaved near by and talk to her, cause she totally understands me...
I wish my dad could understand that he needs to take better care of himself, or else he won't be able to walk me down the aisle when I get married...
I wish my mom would realize that her pettiness and brash attitude is seperating our family, which has been my sanctuary for so many years...
I just wish that everyone could fucking get along!
We have so few years on this earth, why do we waste them being rude and why don't we use every moment we got to be the best damn person we can be!
There are so many things I want to do in life:
Find love with a man who respects me,
Have a child who won't drive me mad,
Save a life,
Put a smile on someone's face everyday,
Travel the world and visit all those people I promised to,
Never let those who I care for drift away into the distant sunset,
Because a great man (or woman) doesn't need to be king to do great deeds.

"The Epic of Edmund" Edmund/Peter

Title: The Epic of Edmund
Pairing: Edmund/Peter
Rating: PG
Summary: Edmund goes through personal issues of self-worth while Peter watches. And Waits...
Author's Note: GAH! I've spent forever on it and am now satisfied (kinda)!
School's started and I've done too many papers to count, which had put me of writing for a while. But now, here ya go! There are 7 verses, each can be read on their own or as a story.

Part 1: Feelings, Unexpressed.

There are so many things I would love to write.
So many feelings,
So much anger and lose...
Yet I cannot.
There seems to be a barrier between my mind and my hand
So matter how hard I push,
I am refused the sanctuary I desire.
I need.

Part 2: Hopes, Unfulfilled.

I act so mature and tough,
Yet when life gets hard,
I crumble and cling to my youth
As an excuse
Like a climber on a cliff.
I act like an adult
But I am everything but.
In this rough and tumble world,
I am limp.
You make me forget
(for a moment),
But it always comes back.

Part 3: Myself, Unloved.

Colors swirling,
Mind wirling,
I am in a corner,
Cyring into a rag
I found in the gutter.
No one seems to notice.
The Others,
They just laugh...
Except you.

Part 4: The Outcasts, Unknown

Sometimes I feel like an Infant,
Other times,
I feel older than the earth
I tread on.
People push me,
I cannot speak to anyone...
But you.

Part 5: Love, Unfelt.

I am waiting for love
What is it like to have
Someone know everything about you
Someone who smiles when they see you
And cry when they leave you.
Someone whose arms are your salvation
And their eyes are
The Hope you cling to,
Saving you from the abyss.

Part 6: You, Waiting.

I fear it will never happen to me.
I may die alone,
Grasping my own hands,
Desperate to not feel so
And yet, here you are.
You love me,
You are waiting for me to see the light.
I fear I am blind.

My (not really) Birthday

Ok, so...
My birthday is really on the 7th but, since it is on a Tuesday, me and my parents celebrated it by going out today! We went to "A Chorus Line" at The Opera House, which was amazing! Then we walked a long way and tried to go to a French restaurant but the hours it was open on its website lied and we were too hungry to wait an hour on the sidewalk.

So, we walked back to where we started and had some Malaysian food that was very good (but it wasn't what I really wanted). Then, we walked in the *really cold* through Boston Common AND GUESS WHO WE MET???

*drum roll*

We met..... MEL GIBSON! Apparently he's filming a movie here and was just walking through the park! We didn't ask for an autograph or a picture cause it looked like he was doing business but he still talked to us quickly.

And even though my parents haven't bought any of my presents (I want some books and a leather bag that won't fall apart on me and will bear with my daily activities, I throw my bag around all the time and I ripped my current one and I did an awful sewing job with it and it was gift from a very nice French student!), I still had a good "Birthday"!

But anyway,
I hope my actual birthday will be just as good!
(if any of my classmates are reading this, I expect tons of notes cluttering my locker about how amazing I am! lol)