I’ve always liked blondes. My friends and I even thought up a name for the type of guy I like: BLT.

Blond, Lanky and Tall.

And well…. God damn it, Scorpius fit all three.

It’s not my fault he was the perfect guy for me.

Everyone always thought I was like my mom: smart, rule-oriented, emotional... And well, I am smart! But I got my father’s love of adventure and general disregard of authority figures. For example, if a teacher tells me to be quiet, I start talking louder. They tell me to shut up, I start singing my personal favorite, “Mom Washed My Underwear.” Let us just say that my mother hates it when I sing that song.

And the funny thing is if a teacher thinks I’m not paying attention, they ask me a question and I immediately answer correctly. It’s the same thing with all my friends. We are all annoyingly funny, smart, and beautiful. We love flaunting the fact we are better than you.

Deal with it.

With my dark auburn hair and almost-black eyes, people always said I look mysterious somehow. All I know is that I become a Ferra Fawcett look-a-like when my hair dries naturally.

My best friend, Carmen, is a tall brunette with a slight Spanish accent and smoldering eyes that sometimes get even me distracted. Her tanned skin is there year-round and she always wears her long, wavy hair down. The funny thing is that behind this cool demeanor, she is really self-conscious and is always nervous around boys. That is why she is usually just friends with the opposite sex. But, I know one day her vow will crack.

My other friends, Louisa and Aoife, are hilarious and they finish our little quartet. Aoife has the cute Irish accent, long dirty blond hair and wide brown eyes that make her look like Bambi. Louisa has dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes. With her ivory complexion, she is one of those classic beauties.

We are all loud and lively together but when you come to talk to us, we put up a façade and pretend we are cold-hearted bitches. This only happens though if you approach us as a group. We do this because our tight-knit group is rank with secrets and we don’t want you knowing that we aren’t as perfect as you think we are.

I have a good home life, I guess. My parents fight over the stupidest things and they all of a sudden they start fighting over who cares for me more. I mean, isn’t that just plain stupid? But ten minutes later, they cuddle. In front of me. I get traumatized constantly. My little brother Hugo just pretends we are not his family in public. And I am not one of those teenagers who hates their parents. I’m one of those sad people that, at the age of 17, still calls her parents mommy and daddy.

The thing is, though, my mom is a raving pessimist with serious depression and my dad has never learned that when you grow up, you have to give a shit about your health. And money. And your family. He loves us, don’t get me wrong. He even gets lovey-dovey and squishes my face sometimes. It’s just that he never learned to share. He lost a brother in the war and that always troubled him. I still hear him crying sometimes, murmuring to himself about the look on his mother’s face when she found out Fred died. I think that was what hit him hardest. Cause, honestly, he is the biggest mommy’s boy you will ever meet. He goes around life like he could die any moment and he might as well live life to the fullest. My mom, however, is cautious and hates how my father doesn’t care that the road he is on is going to a place she doesn’t like.

Also the fact that my aunt Ginny, my favorite relative, is heavily bipolar and crashes a lot doesn’t help. I love her and I can still see the woman Uncle Harry fell in love with and still loves. The problem is that no one else can. Somehow, she understands me so much better than my mom. I love my mom and I love talking to her but Aunt Ginny understands me on a wholly different level of consciousness. I love my cousins and everything but it seems that whenever there are family reunions, I go out with her when she goes to smoke and we talk about everything. Religion, food, and how awesome “Lord of the Rings” is, to name a few of our conversation topics. My aunt became really religious after the war and she was the first one to get me fascinated in religion.

See, my problem is that I am really curious. Tell me about a good band from Uzbekistan and I will start researching modern music in the Former Soviet Union. Talk to me about how good food is in Angola, I will research cuisine of North Africa and the history of Portuguese travels. And when you start me talking about religion, I can blab and blab forever. I actually love history and I pay attention in History of Magic class. I know, I am pathetic. But, come on, someone has to take notes when all my friends nap. Not that we need notes but when we gossip in the library, we have to at least look like we are studying. And trust me, my curiosity will be my downfall one day.

Carmen never really tells people what her life outside of Hogwarts except for her friends, obviously. Her father left her mother just after first year started and I was the one who found her crying, crumpled up in our dormitory. I had never seen anyone look so vulnerable. That day, we skipped classes and talked all day. That was when we become best friends and we have been inseparable since. Her father had been cheating on her mother, Vanessa, with some ugly bitch called Kristen and left Vanessa to go “shack up” with the ugly bitch, or U.B. for short. Carmen never forgave her father for tearing apart their family.

Louisa’s father died in first year, as well. We all seemed to have been brought together by tragedy. What Erin went through was something no eleven year old should. She had to take care of her father and all the pressure to make sure her father had his medication or had eaten properly made her snap. It all happened during Christmas break and when she came back, she was a completely different person. Louisa always hides how she feels but it doesn’t always work. She has a real temper and whenever you do anything to cross her, you know you won’t be able to sit down right for a week.

Aoife has had lots of bad boyfriends through the years. She is currently dating her childhood best friend, Matthew, who she has dated tons of times before. This is the first time they have dated for more than two months so we are all pretty pumped.

The only people out side of our group that we talk to are Scorpius and his group of friends. All of us are in different houses and now in this modern age, no one gives a crap what house you are in. I’m in Gryffindor with Carmen and Louisa but Aoife is in Hufflepuff. We had all become best friends on the train and nothing has changed. Scorpius is in Slytherin with his pal Sean and Matthew is in Hufflepuff with Aoife and Albus and David are in Gryffindor with me. 

Scorpius, with his pale blond hair and smoky grey eyes, is the epitome of sex to me. Not like I ever told anyone (except for Carmen). There was just something about how you can see his defined chest through his shirt and the way his hair just covered his eyes so that you never could see the emotion in them. His casual elegance and deep, calming voice did not help my coherence when I talked to him. I seemed to always stutter or my tongue always seems to become useless whenever I am around him.

Sean is a fellow carrot top with pale green eyes. He is adorable to me like a puppy and Louisa silently pines for him. I mean, we all see how she looks at him. And we always press her to act upon her feelings but she always says that she doesn’t like him.

Matthew is tall, slightly gangly, with sandy blond hair and kind, chocolate brown eyes. He is, of course, the perfect match for Aoife but they always break up cause of some stupid little miscommunication.

Albus is the spitting image of his father, with messy jet black hair and emerald green eyes that always get me to spill my guts. He’s my cousin and I have to love him. It does help though that when he and David are in the same room, my ribs hurt from laughing so hard. David, with his curly black hair, coffee colored skin, and caramel eyes is as smooth as chocolate. But, don’t get any weird ideas about me and him: he is my best guy friend and he is the brother I wish I had. He’s the witty, silky one while Albus is the boisterous, slightly egotistical one.

With Carmen, Albus, David, and me in the Gryffindor common room (Louisa can often be found roaming around in the dungeons, trying to bump into Sean), we seem to ooze the elegant confidence that wannabes kill themselves for. We can’t help it if we happen to have awesome lives and you don’t.

“Hey, Rose, wanna join our Exploding Snap game or are you gonna keep on staring out the window with drool rolling down your chin?” Carmen hollered at me, even though she was right next to me. Everyone laughed and I wiped the drool from my face, wondering if I had looked as sad as I imagined I did.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll join, I’m sorry if I have better things to do than play a game where my eyebrows may get blown off.” I retorted with, trying to get my brain into gear.

“Whatever, I’m just trying to entertain ourselves on this immensely long journey to Hogwarts without resorting to Truth or Dare, cause the food cart hasn’t come by yet and conversation isn’t nearly as entertaining if you are not participating.”

I plastered a grin on my face. I mean, I am really happy to be back home again. Hogwarts is my home and there is no denying. With all the secret passages, funny talking paintings, and sneaking down to the kitchen on Saturday nights to stockpile food while the boys make a booze run to Hogsmeade, it is every wild child’s dream. And this year, Rose Weasley was going to live her life to the fullest and break as many hearts as possible, and maybe have a couple laughs and hangovers along the way.

Title: Your Little Games that Mess With My Mind
Pairing: Peter/Caspian
Rating: PG
Summary: Peter explains to Caspian why he needs to go home and why he is tired of Caspian's mental games.
Author's Note: I actually wrote most of this a while back (a couple of weeks lol) and I decided I really needed to finish and post this so HERE IT IS!

All this fickle stuff

That surrounds me:

I mean, it is pretty

And something

I have always wanted

But this life...

I am happy just where I am

Sure, I'll have dreams of

That place that was seemingly

Meant for me

Where everything is exactly

How I wished it could be

But I am needed here,

My family needs me

Father just came home and

Mother is still trying to adapt to

Everyday Life

(So am I)

Even though my love is over there,

In the place that was destined to be my home

This may sound like a cutter's remark,

But such exquisite pain,

Such beauty that causes so much agony:

It makes you feel so alive.

Everything around you is so much clearer,

You hear things and

See things and

Feel things you've never even dreamed

Of feeling before.

I am content and

I have no time for your little games

That mess with my mind.

I am your sun,

Lighting your day and

Giving you a reason to live.

You look to me every morning,

With an expectant smile and

Arms to hold me.

You wake in the morning

Just to see my smiling face.

You are my moon:

Keeping me awake at night,

Filling my mind with thoughts

When I should be sleeping

Because of you,

I grow weary and

My body grows tired.

Yet still, I cause you joy!

I shall always have a smile for you,

I shall forever have a kiss for your lips,

My arms shall for eternity be there

To hold you.

Because of you,

I plow through the day.

So, at night

I may look upon you:

Undisturbed by the troubles of the morn

And a blissful look is upon you.

You dream of a place far off,

A place we both yearn for,

A place where our love would

Remain undisturbed by the world around us.

A Place were our love may be pure.

For Each other, We Live.

The sequal is here: Love is a Beach (and that Totally Wasn't Meant to Sound Corny) - PART 1
Author's Note: Listen to the Frank Sinatra song "My Way" while reading, it may just make this a tear-jerker!


It was Skandar’s birthday. He was having a lovely supper with his parents and sister. And then, there was a knock on the door and Skandar, hoping it was a friend coming to wish him ‘Happy Birthday’, went to answer it. He was still laughing at something his dad said when he looked at who knocked.

And guess who it was.

Yup, you guessed right: Will.

In fact, it was a wet Will who smelled like an appletini was dropped on. “Can we go somewhere?” Will said.

Without telling his parents were he was going, Skandar grabbed a sweater and went out the door.

They roamed through the city till they found one of Skandar’s favorite restaurants. It was Italian, had big, open windows in the front, and too-nice waiters who had a bit of a perverted side to them. They got a table over looking the street and ordered a big plate of pasta and meatballs. Skandar quietly ate while Will told him about tonight’s escapade. Every so often, he put in a little sarcastic remark and made Will laugh that laugh Skandar loved to hear.

After a bit, they started talking and joking around like they used to and before they knew it, they were out the door and walking towards a little square that looked too beautiful to just walk by.

When they got there, they weren’t sorry. There were lots of little cafes around, with couples leaning close over candle-lit dinners. There were old couples and new couples, and everyone seemed exquisitely joyful. There was a man who was singing Frank Sinatra songs. He wore the outfit (a dapper suit and a fedora), made little remarks when fire trucks or motorcycles drove by, and said “Thanks, doll face” when someone complemented him. And he sounded just amazing; it was like seeing Sinatra live.

After a while just sitting around and buying a couple of beers from one of the cafes, Skandar leaped up and asked Will to dance. Will just laughed and said “Yeah, whatever you want,” then just took another swig of his beer. He looked up when he realized Skandar hadn’t sat down, and was shocked by the sincere look on Skandar’s face. Will, too stunned by what was happening, took Skandar’s hand and was led into an open space in the middle of the square. Some of the older couples gave them confused looks then just kept on dancing, guessing this was some kind of joke.

Skandar led the dance, at first just swaying with the tune. Then, all of a sudden he started swinging Will around, twirling him and throwing him about. Will couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Will was surprised at how good Skandar actually was at dancing. His feet were a blur and the people around them faded into a haze of faces. All Will could see was Skandar’s face and the complete delight that was there and which must be mirrored on Will’s face as well.

Then, Skandar stopped and Will just blinked in bewilderment at what could have interrupted them.  He sent Skan a questioning look and Skandar answered automatically, “It’s a slow song now.”  Will looked at the singer and realized that he was singing Will’s favorite song of Sinatra's: “My way”.

Automatically, Will brought Skandar into his arms and gently started rocking, enveloped in the music that surrounded him. He went into his own world were it was just him and Skan. Will had always listened to this song when he was alone. He would dance with an imaginary man, pretending he was Will's perfect guy. Will started singing along, already knowing all the words by heart:

“Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!”

Will looked down into Skandar’s face and was astounded by all the love and compassion he saw in it. Without thinking, Will leaned down and kissed Skandar. Will was tired of never feeling at home in someone’s arms. But now, Will couldn’t be happier.

“I love you” said Will, wanting just once to not have to flee the one he loves because he can never settle down.

“I love you, too.” almost sobbed Skandar. He had waited all this long for his feelings to be known, and he was thankful that he had waited for a night as tonight to let them show.

Later that night, when Will had dropped Skandar at home with murmured nothings and a kiss, Skandar went inside. He completely ignored his parents yelling at him for staying out so late and not even calling and even ignoring the snickering of his sister on the stairs.

Skandar just thought to himself  'That was the best birthday I ever had.'

I have this vague, but awesome idea for a Harry Potter fanfiction in the works and I want to know what you guys, my friends, think...

It is in the P.O.V. of Lily, I know: not utterly original, is it? Like the start of any other fanfic, it's the morning before she hops on the train to Hogwarts. Her boyfriend, Remus (darling Remus, Lily even knew he was a werewolf but she never said anything. I mean really, did he expect such a smart girl as Lily to not figure it out? That just insults her intelligence!) just broke up with her with a letter (honestly, the nerve of this guy!) Anyway, she is heart broken and she just has to put on a brave face, snap on her new head girl badge (isn't it pretty? and shiny!) and look as gorgeous and smart and stuck up as she normally does. All of this becasue she doesn't want James annoying her all day. Her best friend, Gwen, tries to help her through it all but in the end just makes Lily feel worse. 
Then, out of nowhere, the handsome, charming, completely nosy Sirius comes strolling in and snaps Lily out of her sillyness. She is freaking Lily Evans, the girl every man wants and every girl wants to be (and some of the girls  do actually want to be with her, if you get what I mean).  The rest of the story is sort of gossip girl -esque, with cheating, shopping, and parties. In the end, obviously James and Lily get married. But who says Lily didn't have any fun before she got tied down?

And, VOILA! There you go, my idea for some ridiculously long fiction that you see all the time on harrypotterfanfiction.com that just seem to never end yet you can't get enough of them! I need people's opinions, so please just tell me whether I should be bothered to write all this or should I waste my time sleeping and roaming the internet. 

A Bientot, mes amis!

Title: Love is a Beach (and that Totally Wasn't Meant to Sound Corny)
Pairing: Skandar/William
Rating: PG 13, for naughty language
Summary: Will has dumped another boyfriend and Skandar is there to pick up the peices... again
Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Wil was running, running to his favorite bench in his favorite park near where his favorite homeless bum sat during the day begging for spare change. At night, he went home to his mum's, drank a pint, and wanked off to one of his old collections of playboy's. Will liked him cause he let Will tell him about his daily woes.

But tonight, his favorite hobo was not there and Will was all alone, smoking a cigerette with shaking fingers, very close to having a panic attack. Will had just broken up with another boyfriend. He was sick and tired of falling in love and then becoming sick and tired of being in love.

The reason this is his favorite bench and his favorite park is because it was right across the street from Skandar's house. So whenever Will came here, sobbing into his latest scarf, Skandar always came out with a cup of tea and an ear for Will to talk off. Like all the other times, Skandar came out with a grim look on his face with a slight hint of amusement. Skandar sat down, sighing at the ridiculousness of their situtation.

Will took the tea with a silent thank you and gulped it down. "Ya know, I don't wanna sound like some old metaphor used over and over in sappy romance movies, but love really is like going to the beach," Will burst out, wanting to just get this off his chest, "You get prepared and pumped up to be going on this 'great adventure'. Then, you get there and it's not that amazing as you imagined at first but it is still pretty damn good, even if there are no fucking showers. You play around, having some superficial fun. Then, later on, you get tired and hungry and sand is in uncomfortable places. You have a bit of a sun burn and there is sand in your water bottle. Everything seems more like a chore than a game. People start getting irritated with eachother, saying that so-and-so kicked sand into so-and-so's eyes. You know the sun is almost setting and the darkness is coming. You try and have as much fun as you can, forcing it all when really, you just get sick of it all. Then, you just say goodbye and drive away. And that's it, Skandar: that is all there is to love." And with that, Will silently brooded over it all.

Skandar, used to all of Will's ridiculous rants and utter hermit-like tendencies, just punched Will in the shoulder and said quite lamely "Well, at least you get a tan after the long day at the beach."

Will looked up, with this quite adorable dumbfounded look on his face and said "Is that the best you can come up with? 'At least you get a tan'? Yeah, and you also get skin cancer after you do it too many times too, you know."

"Touche, my brother, touche..."

"Yeah, anyway, I need to get my beauty sleep. I've got an audition tomorrow and bags under my eyes will not help me." With that, Will leaped up, brushed off his trousers and walked down the road. "I'll call you after to tell you how it went", said Will, glancing over his shoulder and waving vaugely in Skandar's direction.

"Yeah, see you." mumbled Skandar, wishing Will could just stay for a bit longer. Skandar already thought Will was beautiful anyway and that bags under his eyes made Will look cute in a sort of dreary way. Skandar would have said this and more to Will tonight if only he had the guts. Anyway, Will would have thought that would be too cheesy for the great, sarcastic Skandar Keynes to say. All these years, living in Will's shadow, always there to help him but never actually doing anything and Skandar still didn't have the guts.

Skandar heaved himself to his feet and strolled across the street, savoring the cold air in his lungs and the hard tarmac below his converses. Skandar let himself into his house and immedietly went into the kitchen to put the mug in the dishwasher (his mum was a clean-freak). After, Skandar plopped down at the table and lazily picked up a fortune cookie from the Chinese food they had for dinner. Skandar cracked it open, glanced at the fortune, then stuffed his mouth with the cookie. When he finally swallowed the mouthful and actually read the fortune: Smiles are your personal welcome mat it said. Total bull, Skandar thought. The more Skandar thought about it though, the more Skandar thought there must be some conspiracy going on with whoever printed these.

Welcome mats are basically doormats.

And you step on doormats.

You actually wipe your dirty shoes on them.

Skandar let Will step all over him while Skandar just smiled and tried to understand why the fuck Will didn't notice him. Was he too young? To skinny? Had too many freckles? Skandar just shook his head and dragged himself up to bed. Flopping down on his bed, Skandar picked up a pen on his side table and put another 'X' on a paper hanging by his bed. It was a tally mark of how many boyfriends Will has had over the years. The dumped guy today made it 58. But to Skandar, this was all in a day's work for the man he loves.

Title: Don't Blame Me
Pairing: Susan/Lucy
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own nothing, except the odd thoughts in my head.
Summary: Susan explains to Lucy why she will not come with her. Susan is too enraptured with getting ready to realize how much this breaks Lucy's heart.
Author's Note: This is pretty epic for me: a poem and then a drabble after it. It took me forever to actually get the flow just how I wanted it, so please tell me what you think!

 Don't blame me...
We were so young and naive
We were foolish little things:
It was all a game and you,
Well you just took it too seriously
Those were dreams,
Now fading away into non-existence.
Stop giving me that look,
It is not my fault.
I was playing along,
I was bored.
You were just someone to occupy my mind
O, dear, I hope my date for tonight doesn't come in now
That would be positively awful, seeing me in this state
I would never be able to live that down
Don't huff around looking all annoyed,
I am the only one here who has the right to be pissed off
Honestly, you look at me like I'm the enemy
Just face it, sweety:
You are still a child:
Grow up.
It was all a game,
There is no Aslan, no Narnia...
After all that I've tried to build up over the years,
Why do you keep bringing back our childhood nothings?
It just *can't* be true!
It goes against everything I've worked for!
I won't believe, I can't believe!
I am supposed to be mature,
Be above all this tomfoolery...
Why can't you just let me be?
I am so close to my goal,
What it is I know not.
I guess I want something stable,
Unlike those phantasms of our youth.
I want to be pretty,
No: not pretty,
Beautiful.
I want to make men crawl on their knees,
Begging for my hand
I should not tell you this,
I am just showing you my weakness...
I have this feeling,
Like if I just did one thing
I could be pretty:
Use a different shampoo,
Buy a different mascara,
Brush my hair 10 more strokes a day
There is something out there
That will make me beautiful
But, after all my searching,
I realize that I will always be
Almost Perfect.

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Anyway, the answer to your question is no, I will not go with you to who knows where. I have my place here, and I am content" Said Susan, after her little rant.

Lucy's eyes were burning with something Susan could not place: passion, rage, or disbelief at Susan's answer. "Content, but not happy? Content doesn't sum up even closely what you deserve after all you did, back in the days when you were gentle. You deserve to be eternally blissful: so happy your face hurts from smiling all day. This person before me... Deserves whats coming." And with that, Lucy stormed from the room, but underneath that mask of anger layed a wounded animal, limping away, and trying to stop itself from looking back at what lays behind him of his dead family.

"But don't say a word of this to our brothers!" yelled Susan after her, worrying what they would say the next time they have tea. Susan continued to apply her lipstick, putting on her nylons, and checking the address of tonight's party on yet another invitation.

Lucy, running across the street, covering her head with her old raincoat, reached the public phone. She put in some change and dialed her home phone number. Waiting for someone to pick up, she looked up to the window of her sister's flat, seeing the shadow of her sister running around, getting ready. Glancing down, she noticed a taxi pull up and a tall, daper man stepped out and strided to the door. A lion that was curled up in Lucy's gut all of a sudden leaped and roared at this strange gentleman. Lucy flashed him a death glare then turned her back on him, not wanting to see Susan ever again. But she just kept on wanting to glance back, to see if Susan really liked all this pompousness...

Lucy heard a click down the line and heard Professor Kirke pick up, sounding breathless. "Hello?" sighed the old professor.

"Hello, Professor. It's me, Lucy. Susan won't come. She's too busy, having to go to many parties and whatnot. " Lucy didn't want to talk about it but she couldn't help but be bitter.

"Oh, dear girl. That's a shame. I'm sorry, Lucy. Maybe it will all turn out well in the end."

"Yeah, maybe..." And with that, Lucy hung up and slowly started her way down the gray street, talking her time walking to the nearest train station. Ya, I'm sorry too...

Title: I'll Never Know
Rating: PG
Pairing: Edmund/Caspian, part romance/part friendship
Summary: Edmund and Caspian loved eachother... but they weren't in love. Their farewell looms ever closer, and Edmund doesn't know how to act. 


We knew, right from the start,
We would have to say good bye.
It was always there,
The third person in our conversation
Something we tried to ignore but could
Never forget.
And now, our farewell is looming.
There are those silent screams
In our eyes, only we can see.
We dread it,
We welcome it.
Our seperation signals
The beginning of a Golden Age,
The end of the darkness.
Should I kiss you?
Should I give you that satisfaction,
That last ounce of hope that at least,
If we could have stayed together,
It may have worked.
That kiss could fill nights
With dreams and fantasies of a better life.
Or will that kiss haunt me.
Having that small taste of being truely happy,
Will it make life obselete?
Should I just let the unsaid but understood
Hang in the air,
The What could have been,
Not necessarily the what should have been.
Living in this constant misery,
Will it be anymore better with
Those fleeting moments
The memories that will seem so fickle.
I am not even in love with you,
This emotions don't make sense.
I let go of all my restraints with you,
I was so irrational...
But those chances to be able to not care
How someone thinks of you,
In this day and age,
You grope at them and act upon instinct.
I guess, we fell in love with eachother's honesty
We tell the truth,
We just Talked, Bickered, and we were real
Spending all that time together,
We had to get along.
And now, here I am,
I don't think I will ever know whether what I did
Was right or wrong but
The night is my home,
The time I can just be myself,
Like when we were together.
I can be Sad,
Thoughtful,
But never Regretful.